The expression on this bear's face is priceless.
The story is found here found here<<--
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Behold by thine eye, for what bounty of laughter doth nature provide?
Give this picture a minute, just absorb it. This is a big damn bear stuck in a Toyota Corolla. I have trouble fitting in a Corolla.
The expression on this bear's face is priceless.
The story is found here found here<<--
The expression on this bear's face is priceless.
The story is found here found here<<--
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Cheese...ugh, PIE PIE PIE
It was a dark and stormy night...actually it was a hot and dusty day, the day I was beaten and left for dead in the back of my helicopter...ok again, another exaggeration. But the other day as I was fooling around in the back of my chopper on the flight home for the day, I had a little accident and got smashed in the mouth with a big chunk of metal. After I got over that nauseating bright-flash feeling and noticed the unique “taste” that a sharp blow to the head brings to my taste buds, I felt all of the bits and pieces of shattered teeth in my mouth. Not cool!
I’ve punched plenty of others and been punched in the face a number of times on account of my being a friendly guy when I was younger, I credit those experiences for why I didn’t immediately act on my first instinct to spit all of the blood and pieces of teeth out on the dirty chopper floor. Instead, using my tongue I worked all of the pieces I could feel until they were tucked between my lip and my bum, and then spent the next 45 minutes or so feeling miserable and spitting blood into a plastic water bottle. I dumped the half-bottle of bloody mess out somewhere over the fabled old toilet of a town called Lashkar Gah.
But the story has a happy ending, one that gives me yet another reason to be grateful for the age that we all live in and my access to quality health care. I headed down to the dental clinic which is located in what outwardly appears to be a pathetic little sagging GP-medium tent. Inside, the young sergeant insisted that I had to be in real pain in order to be treated. After assuring her that I was indeed hurting, she went back and got the doc and within an hour or so, he had cemented all of the pieces together and stuck them back where they belong and I’m as good as new.
Now I’ve just got to get x-rayed once a year to make sure everything is still solid.
I’m a guy who loves to smile and laugh, it was just so weird for the short while that I was banged up to be so self conscious about either smiling or laughing. I guess for the sake of this painful little story having a moral, develop a bad attitude about work so that you won’t smile and expose your teeth so they can get knocked out.
I’ve punched plenty of others and been punched in the face a number of times on account of my being a friendly guy when I was younger, I credit those experiences for why I didn’t immediately act on my first instinct to spit all of the blood and pieces of teeth out on the dirty chopper floor. Instead, using my tongue I worked all of the pieces I could feel until they were tucked between my lip and my bum, and then spent the next 45 minutes or so feeling miserable and spitting blood into a plastic water bottle. I dumped the half-bottle of bloody mess out somewhere over the fabled old toilet of a town called Lashkar Gah.
But the story has a happy ending, one that gives me yet another reason to be grateful for the age that we all live in and my access to quality health care. I headed down to the dental clinic which is located in what outwardly appears to be a pathetic little sagging GP-medium tent. Inside, the young sergeant insisted that I had to be in real pain in order to be treated. After assuring her that I was indeed hurting, she went back and got the doc and within an hour or so, he had cemented all of the pieces together and stuck them back where they belong and I’m as good as new.
Now I’ve just got to get x-rayed once a year to make sure everything is still solid.
I’m a guy who loves to smile and laugh, it was just so weird for the short while that I was banged up to be so self conscious about either smiling or laughing. I guess for the sake of this painful little story having a moral, develop a bad attitude about work so that you won’t smile and expose your teeth so they can get knocked out.
Friday, July 16, 2010
True Story
Radio: Hey homegirl, where are you?
Me: Over here
Radio: Where?
Me: In the dirt
Radio: *click*.........Oh hey, I see you now!
Me: Yup
Radio: So...what're you doing way out there?
Me: Playing
Radio: Say again?
Me: Playing!
Radio: *click*........Well are you having fun?
Me: Lovin' it!
Radio: *click*........You're an idiot, dude
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Kickin back in the dirt capitol of the world
It’s been another interesting week. I’m currently hanging out at a dusty base out in the Helmand called FOB Dwyer. Somebody had to go home on emergency leave and we’re already short from everyone going on R&R so I came down to cover for a few days but I just got word that I’m here for the next week or so. I’m enjoying it though; it reminds me a lot of what Kandahar used to be like before it got all huge. One of the big things is that the base is located out in the absolute middle of nowhere so there is virtually zero light pollution except for a few light carts scattered around the base.
I stepped outside with the sat phone to make some calls at about 0300 this morning and I looked up and saw a million stars tinkling in the sky. It’s been awhile since I’ve been somewhere and been able to see that, it never gets old. I started trying to remember the last time I really saw stars and I think it was on my last R&R in September when I went camping. That got me all excited about my up and coming R&R.
I always get myself all worked up about all the awesome stuff I wanna do but I always end up doing something totally different or going someplace I hadn’t planned on. It’s all fun though but this time I’m gonna embrace that a bit more and not make any plans other than making it to a movie theater a few times (long story) and getting some medical stuff done. And I’m definitely coming up to the lake and spending some quality time on the water, and maybe even climb a tree or two.
As for life here, it goes on. We recently completed an airlift of about 500 guys from mostly India and Kenya. They flew them into one base with a runway and we loaded them up on our choppers from there and hauled them to this base. Talk about a mind-trip for these guys, straight from India to a super busy airbase in Afghanistan, then herded through an assembly-line process with hundreds of other guys, issued flak-jackets and Kevlar helmets, and then tossed on one of the noisiest choppers out there with grumpy ol’ me babysitting.
It was kind of a grueling process; back and forth back and forth back and forth all day long but it did have its highlights. From altitude, blowing dust looks a lot like fog and in the pre-dawn light, the river valley looked absolutely enchanting. Like Arabian Nights meets a Scottish moor...HA! I just made an ethnic pun.
Another moment was my supervisor Larry being his hilariously charming self and mooning me in the chopper as we took off.
Notice the two Russian guys laughing and the huddled mass of confused Indian guys holding onto their luggage to keep it from blowing away as the chopper takes off. With the engines roaring and the rotor-wash blowing stuff everywhere, it's a crazy chaotic environment. I wonder what's going through their heads as they see Larry..."WTF did I just sign up for? What is this white guy doing? Should I be doing that? Is my refrigerator walking?....."
I stepped outside with the sat phone to make some calls at about 0300 this morning and I looked up and saw a million stars tinkling in the sky. It’s been awhile since I’ve been somewhere and been able to see that, it never gets old. I started trying to remember the last time I really saw stars and I think it was on my last R&R in September when I went camping. That got me all excited about my up and coming R&R.
I always get myself all worked up about all the awesome stuff I wanna do but I always end up doing something totally different or going someplace I hadn’t planned on. It’s all fun though but this time I’m gonna embrace that a bit more and not make any plans other than making it to a movie theater a few times (long story) and getting some medical stuff done. And I’m definitely coming up to the lake and spending some quality time on the water, and maybe even climb a tree or two.
As for life here, it goes on. We recently completed an airlift of about 500 guys from mostly India and Kenya. They flew them into one base with a runway and we loaded them up on our choppers from there and hauled them to this base. Talk about a mind-trip for these guys, straight from India to a super busy airbase in Afghanistan, then herded through an assembly-line process with hundreds of other guys, issued flak-jackets and Kevlar helmets, and then tossed on one of the noisiest choppers out there with grumpy ol’ me babysitting.
It was kind of a grueling process; back and forth back and forth back and forth all day long but it did have its highlights. From altitude, blowing dust looks a lot like fog and in the pre-dawn light, the river valley looked absolutely enchanting. Like Arabian Nights meets a Scottish moor...HA! I just made an ethnic pun.
Another moment was my supervisor Larry being his hilariously charming self and mooning me in the chopper as we took off.
Notice the two Russian guys laughing and the huddled mass of confused Indian guys holding onto their luggage to keep it from blowing away as the chopper takes off. With the engines roaring and the rotor-wash blowing stuff everywhere, it's a crazy chaotic environment. I wonder what's going through their heads as they see Larry..."WTF did I just sign up for? What is this white guy doing? Should I be doing that? Is my refrigerator walking?....."
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
The relevancy of ancient sentiments
...blessed be the name of my God, who has been mindful of us, wanderers in a strange land.
Monday, July 5, 2010
The evils of air and wisdom
There are times where I am so grateful to be an American born to intelligent and open-minded parents, raised to believe in reason and human decency, free from silly superstitions and crippling notions of class and identity.
One of the funnier superstitions that still drives me crazy but also makes me laugh is the belief shared by almost all of the guys from the Balkans that strong blowing wind is bad for you, especially if it cools you down. Ride in a car with a Bosnian and roll his window down and watch him squirm and beg for you to roll it up. They swear up and down that it screws up their muscles, that their necks won't work, or that their joints lock up and they get sick because of the air blowing across their skin. These guys would rather ride in a 120 degree sauna of a chopper with no moving air than have to deal with an open window, its friggin ridiculous.
Today I had 4 guys from Macedonia that flew out with us to a place near the Iranian border and we hadn't been in the air for 5 minutes before they were making these awful faces and furiously motioning to each other to try to get me to shut the window. I've been dealing with this all summer so I raised my hand up and indicated that the window would stay open. The guy nearest the window commenced with what we now call the Balkan shuffle. It consists of wildly exaggerated grimacing to indicate their discomfort and then if that doesn't elicit any sympathy they all start pretending to shiver and rub their arms and necks with pained expressions as if their muscles ache and they're freezing to death. All of this is done with them all looking straight at me so that I'll notice how uncomfortable they are. It doesn't matter if it's blazing hot outside and even hotter inside and I just loaded a ton of cargo by myself in 10 minutes and am completely soaked in sweat, all these guys can think about is getting the stupid window shut.
I used to tell the Bosnians and Macedonians that worked for me that I have driven for tens-of-thousands of miles all across both Europe and the U.S. and Iraq with the window down and I have never suffered ANY ill effects of this. They immediately cite an uncle or cousin who was crippled for life because they were foolish enough to try it. It's the same thing when I ask why they don't quit smoking if it's been proven to be bad for you. They all name some uncle or grandfather who lived to be 100 years old and smoked from the cradle to the grave or some similarly stupid lie. The men all swear that without drinking coffee every day that my heart will get weaker and my virility and ability to please a woman will suffer as a result. For some reason I seriously doubt that'll be a problem.
As stupid as it all sounds, these folks are dead serious about it, it's enough to drive me crazy sometimes.
I remember when I was a boy in Germany we used to roam for miles through the forests and countryside barefoot, it was wonderful! Some of the older German folks would take my mom aside and explain to her how neglectful she was being as a mother in letting us do that. Some of the German kids would call us "Ohne Shuhe Ami", it was a cultural thing and none of us understood it. It wasn't until I started reading accounts of how horrible things were for Germany after WWII that I began to understand why the old folks thought the way they did. Another German myth that a lot of folks believed was that you would get sick you drank water and ate an apple at the same time, or that bread hot out of the oven was poisonous.
Another very disturbing idea that I just can't understand is the Indian caste system. There are thousands of Indian subcontract workers here it is incredibly frustrating to have to deal with them and their cultural issues.
One of my friends here is from India, a very pretty and well educated girl who ran away to escape a forced marriage and ended up working for a NATO company here. One quiet evening as we sat and talked I asked her why all of the guys from her country that I see here are so clueless about everything. She started explaining to me about castes and how rigidly the system is enforced socially, basically most of the guys here are from the lower castes and are raised believing that this is what they are and that they will never be anything else. Theirs is a world of shame or even honor killings for attempting to improve one's lot in life beyond what is acceptable for their caste level. The result is a lot of guys who can't and have absolutely no desire to be able to manage anything but the most basic directions, even in their native languages, and who for the most part are hard-working but lack any initiative to do anything except that which is explicitly required of them. Of course there are plenty of brilliant Indians but for every one of them there is probably a thousand poor victims living in a world of enforced ignorance.
Ah well, enough of my ranting for the day...
One of the funnier superstitions that still drives me crazy but also makes me laugh is the belief shared by almost all of the guys from the Balkans that strong blowing wind is bad for you, especially if it cools you down. Ride in a car with a Bosnian and roll his window down and watch him squirm and beg for you to roll it up. They swear up and down that it screws up their muscles, that their necks won't work, or that their joints lock up and they get sick because of the air blowing across their skin. These guys would rather ride in a 120 degree sauna of a chopper with no moving air than have to deal with an open window, its friggin ridiculous.
Today I had 4 guys from Macedonia that flew out with us to a place near the Iranian border and we hadn't been in the air for 5 minutes before they were making these awful faces and furiously motioning to each other to try to get me to shut the window. I've been dealing with this all summer so I raised my hand up and indicated that the window would stay open. The guy nearest the window commenced with what we now call the Balkan shuffle. It consists of wildly exaggerated grimacing to indicate their discomfort and then if that doesn't elicit any sympathy they all start pretending to shiver and rub their arms and necks with pained expressions as if their muscles ache and they're freezing to death. All of this is done with them all looking straight at me so that I'll notice how uncomfortable they are. It doesn't matter if it's blazing hot outside and even hotter inside and I just loaded a ton of cargo by myself in 10 minutes and am completely soaked in sweat, all these guys can think about is getting the stupid window shut.
I used to tell the Bosnians and Macedonians that worked for me that I have driven for tens-of-thousands of miles all across both Europe and the U.S. and Iraq with the window down and I have never suffered ANY ill effects of this. They immediately cite an uncle or cousin who was crippled for life because they were foolish enough to try it. It's the same thing when I ask why they don't quit smoking if it's been proven to be bad for you. They all name some uncle or grandfather who lived to be 100 years old and smoked from the cradle to the grave or some similarly stupid lie. The men all swear that without drinking coffee every day that my heart will get weaker and my virility and ability to please a woman will suffer as a result. For some reason I seriously doubt that'll be a problem.
As stupid as it all sounds, these folks are dead serious about it, it's enough to drive me crazy sometimes.
I remember when I was a boy in Germany we used to roam for miles through the forests and countryside barefoot, it was wonderful! Some of the older German folks would take my mom aside and explain to her how neglectful she was being as a mother in letting us do that. Some of the German kids would call us "Ohne Shuhe Ami", it was a cultural thing and none of us understood it. It wasn't until I started reading accounts of how horrible things were for Germany after WWII that I began to understand why the old folks thought the way they did. Another German myth that a lot of folks believed was that you would get sick you drank water and ate an apple at the same time, or that bread hot out of the oven was poisonous.
Another very disturbing idea that I just can't understand is the Indian caste system. There are thousands of Indian subcontract workers here it is incredibly frustrating to have to deal with them and their cultural issues.
One of my friends here is from India, a very pretty and well educated girl who ran away to escape a forced marriage and ended up working for a NATO company here. One quiet evening as we sat and talked I asked her why all of the guys from her country that I see here are so clueless about everything. She started explaining to me about castes and how rigidly the system is enforced socially, basically most of the guys here are from the lower castes and are raised believing that this is what they are and that they will never be anything else. Theirs is a world of shame or even honor killings for attempting to improve one's lot in life beyond what is acceptable for their caste level. The result is a lot of guys who can't and have absolutely no desire to be able to manage anything but the most basic directions, even in their native languages, and who for the most part are hard-working but lack any initiative to do anything except that which is explicitly required of them. Of course there are plenty of brilliant Indians but for every one of them there is probably a thousand poor victims living in a world of enforced ignorance.
Ah well, enough of my ranting for the day...
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